Personal Rants!

Impervious!

So, not much has changed in my life as of yet. Still no hints of inspiration and I’m stuck between emotional depression and contentment. I can’t really say I’m either/or. I’m taking this time to do absolutely nothing. I feel absolutely nothing and have accomplished absolutely nothing. So, what prelude you say do I have planned for the rest of my life “absolutely nothing!”  Yep, it’s true and I know many people would say, “O, how pathetic” or “get off your pity pot” ,but thanks to my unawareness and my extraordinary disposition of not caring, I could give a rats behind what any one I don’t know has to say about me.  😀 What I can not seem to grasp with this “not so brilliant” mind of mine is what is up with the lack of emotion. At least dealing with real life situations. Guess, the psychosis is setting in. Finally after all the years of constant un-accomplishment I have reached a point of impervious thought ( for lack of a better  phrase) Ah, If only it could last. We all know that nothing lasts so at some point in the not to distant future I will have an emotional breakdown of sorts and I’ll be on here writing again whining about some ridiculous situation I have not solution for. Until than. Stay tuned for the impervious thoughts of the poor and complacent. I’m out! 🙂

Rants of the Poor and Complacent!

Don’t really know where to begin. Just re-examining my life and trying to figure out where the hell I dropped it off. Maybe it went to the grocery store to buy some milk and never returned, or perhaps it was lost  or abducted by someone who could actually do something with it! Or maybe, just maybe it ran away in fear of what would become of it. lol Well, it’s an interesting thought at least ;P
I hate getting into these sort of ruts. Thing is I know stuff is going to change soon. My son will be going to school and I’ll have to start working again. Not really looking forward to it all. Guess I’m comfortable here in my own little valley of complacency and shattered dreams. I say this in a relatively satisfied mood 🙂 As hypocritical as it may sound. It’s what I imagine a caged bird feeling like. All these dreams of going places, accomplishing goals, and than your captured and caged. You fight at first with all you have and than you plea for freedom and finally you just learn to accept it and when the cage door does finally open you have no clue or desire to do anything about it. At this point I am thoroughly confused with where exactly my life is going. Feels like I left every part of my life half way done. And it’s so annoying to talk to people about it because they want to throw you a pity party, that usually makes you feel even more like crap! Or they tell you how great you are and how you have soooo many  talents. Which  just makes you think of all the ways you didn’t use your talents. I hate being ok at stuff! Mediocrity sucks. If your not great at it than don’t bother because you’ll never do anything with it. So what the heck is the point of having an ability if your not good enough to do something with it! There’s always someone better than you regardless. Oh,as if my failures are not enough I have to deal with my psychological clock going off every year, during March, April, and May. A constant reminder that this is the time my dad past away like 8 freaking years ago! I can’t help but sit here and think “WHAT THE HELL!!!!” I loved my dad. He was great, and for some reason this psychosis of mine makes his memory even more vivid and painful than any other time of year.  I’m not usually the “O, Waaahhhhh! Poor me” type of gal, but give me a freakin break! lol Ok, I’m probably sounding pretty psychotic at the moment. Just had to vent and get some of this out without hurting anyones’ feelings. You are now probably thoroughly confused or just completely uninterested but thanks for reading 🙂 Stay tuned next week for more “Rants of the Poor and Complacent!”

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